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LUZ MIREYA ROMAN RIVERA
Tuesday, November
30, 2010
Chicago, IL Dear All; Foremost, I did not
expect to write this much. My initial intent was to speak of the pictures I
am sharing about Nancy and I from 1999-2005.
Darrell had asked to share with him how we, her friends, met Nancy.
I
am sorry it took me this long to write and perhaps wrote more than what
Darrell had initially asked for. I think it is part of my healing process.
Now that I did, I am excited for my children, which I hope to have someday.
They will know of Nancy, and I am glad I have these memories in writing since
my memory is not doing well these days. My
guess, this is a living document, as I will continue to add more memories of
our friendship. If you know of any corrections that I need to make about
Nancy's life, please feel free to correct them. Sadly, I cannot remember many
of NancyÕs southern aphorisms. She always explained their meaning to me. I
should have kept a list. The most recent one: ÒYou
have fire in many ovensÓ. Or it sounds like it! I
look forward to reading NancyÕs obituary to be added to this document. Who
will be writing her eulogy? I need to ensure to get a copy and a copy of the
memorial service program. If you know, please ask them to remember me. My
hope is the service will be taped or video will be taken since I will not be
able to attend. I still have the program from HurettaÕs
memorial service. I am clinging to as many memories and things that I can
hold on to, for my children to know Nancy as part of our family. I am so happy that
I can help. Many pictures had to be scanned and cropped. The resolution may
not be the best. I am sure you will have many more to choose from. The
pictures were taken between the Fall of 1999 to the
Winter of 2005. The last picture of Nancy and I was taken at HurettaÕs funeral service in January 22, 2005. Nancy and I,
1999-2010 Every year,
Memorial Day weekend was my weekend to visit my dear Maryland friends. In
other occasions for work and internships I would travel and stay with Nancy,
but not the summer she recovered from her heart surgery, I believe. Nancy
preferred for me to stay with Anne. In 2005 Dan and I visited Nancy when we
were courting. In 2006 Nancy did not come for our wedding due to serious
complications after her hysterectomy. On the day of our
wedding, Nancy was still in the hospital. Bob and Gail only told me half of
the story, and yet I was worried for her. In March, it is when I learned of
what really happened: ÒI
know they told you that I hadn't recovered from the hysterectomy, and that
was true. However, there was more to the story. I had developed
internal bleeding and was taken to the emergency room on 2/13. I had surgery
and another procedure to stop the bleeding, and I was still in intensive care
on the day of your wedding. Bob and Gail made the very good decision not to
tell you how ill I was. I was in the hospital 12 days, and I'm still not back
to work. I'm doing well, but recovery is proceeding very slowly. I've no
idea when I'll return to work. These
pictures and the ones Bob took are absolutely beautiful. I'm sorry to
have missed two very big events in your life -- your MA graduation and your
wedding. You mean the world to me, and I certainly would have been
there if I possibly could have beenÓ. (Email March
2006). After
I wedded, it was financially difficult for us to travel to MD having family
in PR, NY, & VA. Nancy and I always talked about her coming to Chicago to
visit us but she never made it. Not until this year that is about to end,
that I saw Nancy again, in July and in October,
2010. Every
time Nancy introduced me; she always said my full name: ÒThis is my lovely
friend, Luz Mireya Roman RiveraÓ. She did great
when rolling her rÕs. She would continue by stating
how we met in 1999 when I first worked as an intern at the office and how a
year later I called her to ask if I could live with her for the summer in
2000. She had to think about it and call me back because: Ònever had a
roommate 30 years younger than meÓ she always said.
She did call me the next day saying Òit will be an adventure, would love to
have you hereÓ. I offered to pay for the room but she refused. Nancy
preferred for me to cook for her instead. Nancy really loved eating and it
was a pleasure to cook for her. ÒJohn and I had fun laughing about the time you and he
shared my kitchen. Goodness, youÕre both great cooks!Ó
(Email August 2008). Her
favorite story, I guess, about the adventures with living with a compulsive
cleaning person like me, is when I accidently turned off the stoveÕs pilot
lights cleaning it. The smell of gas urged her to call the front desk; we did
not know what had happened. You probably know the full story on how her
apartment was flooded with fireman. Her joke was we had to be extreme to have
men come over. Through
these years we called each other but mainly sent emails. Everything about her
life was an adventure. Living with me, her trip to India (2000), climbing
Mont Saint Michel in 2006 after both knees replaced in 2005, Huretta moving
to live with her, AnneÕs parents staying with her in the Summer of 2008,
visiting family in TN, traveling around the globe, and trying anything new,
like that first time restaurant visit. Her adventure with Eunice and the late
Mr. Jim when they lived with her was described as: ÒIt was a productive 2 months – we got all our
hearing aids tuned up, JimÕs pacemaker tuned up, their car tuned up,
handicapped plates for their car, and EuniceÕs cataract surgery in both
eyes! I did a fair bit of cleaning out stuff in the apartment, and we
all felt good about what all we accomplished. TheyÕre taking me to the Cosmos
Club for lunch tomorrowÓ. (Email August
2008). ÒAging is not for sissies! Jim and
Eunice are the people who led our 2000 trip to India, so we had various
Indians and clergy people visit at one point or another. TheyÕre very
dear people, and it actually turned out to be a lot of funÓ. In
my opinion, Nancy did not take anything for granted. NancyÕs relationships
were also extremely important to her. As for me, she always listened to my
joys and struggles; and lovingly gave advice. Teary I said this, feeling she may
have loved me as her daughter! I remember wanting to go from MD to NJ
overnight on the train for an Andrea Bocelli
concert. Not that I asked her for permission, right; but she said: Òin loco
parentis, noÓ. My parents fell in love with Nancy instantly after this.
Unfortunately, my parents and Nancy never met in person. My mom would send
her cards and they called each other on occasions. For
Nancy, Boston was: ÒABSOLUTELY
WONDERFUL!!!Ó ÒI love the city, and I still have a lot of friends there.
I stayed with John, and we always have a grand time. WeÕre both
good at laughing and crying at the same timeÉ..
We walked through a bunch of retirement communities. I fell in love
with a place called Lasell Village on the campus of
Lasell College. John fell in love with
another place which is actually more affordableÉ IÕm
not sure that I can afford a place on my own. I surely would like to be
back in New England! IÕd like to see patients again – maybe do
consultations in nursing homes. I like old people, and if I worked as a
consultant, I would not have to rent an office and set up practiceÓ. (Email
August 2008) "In July, I visited relatives in Tennessee
for a week, then went to Boston for three weeks and fell in love with New
England all over again. At Lasell Village,
residents are required to get 450 hours of professional, volunteer,
educational, and/or physical activity every year. You can take courses
free at the college, which is perfect for those of us who still think weÕre
students. ItÕs very expensive for a single person, but for a couple who have had two pretty good incomes, it is
affordable. SoÉIÕm looking for a roommate"! (E-Letter
January 2009) My
understanding is, because the market crashed, Nancy thought she could not
sell the condo to move into a retirement home in Boston; nor she had someone
to share the cost with. She would have loved to move back. We talked a
lot about her life in Boston, how she liked to welcome friends, and if I
remember correctly, how she liked cooking lobsters. She told me stories too
about Bread Loaf. Nancy
wanted for us to take a trip to New England to show me how much she loved it
and why. Having shared with me her love for Vermont and all the food in it,
while in Asbury during my last visit, I mentioned to her that I was visiting
DanÕs sister in VT that same October. With her eyes closed, Nancy asked me
all sort of questions about where in VT I was going. Without hesitation, she
told me how to get to Bread Loaf, where to go to eat and what not to miss. I
wrote every single direction and name of places. Once in VT, my sister in law
was kind to drive through the back roads following NancyÕs directions that I
had written down in my agenda. We made it to Middlebury on a rainy cold
afternoon. I canÕt express my emotions, a mix feeling between sadness and
happiness. We stopped at the Waybury Inn. We
followed the river and it started to snow. My heart was pounding so fast, I
felt a chest pain. We finally arrived at Bread Loaf. The snow stopped at the
same time I felt like time had paused. I was finally there, but my beloved
friend was at John Hopkins fighting for her life. Anne had called me the
night before with the news about NancyÕs potential last day. My sister in law
did not know why I was crying. Dan told her why. Nancy did fight through and
I believe the prayers of all the faithful were heard. I think she knew this;
prayer is a powerful gift from God. I
think Nancy and I had a lot in common regardless of the 33
year age difference. When we each left our homes, I think we both felt
this urgency of traveling, meeting people from different backgrounds and
ethnicities, cheering for the underdog, eating all kinds of ethnic food,
helping people, and storytelling. Like her, I love reading and writing
wishing I would do it more often. I am thankful she helped me with my writing; although I still have a lot to improve. Thanks to
her, I read the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. She gave
me her book when I moved to Chicago. Now I wish I had not sold it. There were
times I translated to English my favorite poems; but translation did not give
them justice. These days I do not read much secular literature, but like
Nancy, I do read the Bible. She would quote the Bible to me
and when I quoted the Bible to her, she would tell me: ÒThat is
something Huretta would have saidÓ. We would again say, but in one accord: ÒThis
is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.Ó Psalm
118:24. We
also loved traveling. Although my passport has a lot of catching up to do,
when compared with NancyÕs, I totally agreed with her: ÒI donÕt regret a penny IÕve ever
spent on travel! I
am not sure if Nancy made the trip to Costa Rica in February 2009 with John,
but surely would like to know about it. She shared with me about her trips to
Guatemela and regretted I didnÕt make to it India
with her. She was concerned that I would freeze in Chicago. Therefore, Nancy
equipped me with her favorite wool blanket from Guatemala and her Eddie Bauer
blue down puffy coat she wore attending Harvard. I wonder if someone
remembers this coat. For me it was small, but no doubt it kept me cozy and
hot for many years. We
also strongly believe in education. She cheered for me all through my
graduate school years. I remember struggling with studies, unemployed, and
lonely in Chicago. She knew exactly how I felt: ÒI was a frightened kid who just
wanted to make good grades and not have to go back to ChattanoogaÓ. Nancy
said this about her experiences witnessing discrimination during the Civil
Rights movement while attending the University of Tennessee. Likewise, I
wanted not to return to Puerto Rico. Did I experience discrimination in my
school, yes I did; but my fear was not to be beaten to death for defending myself or others; I feared not making it on my own. I
think Nancy also feared the same. Many times, Nancy asked me to come back to
MD; that she would help me as much as she was able – with my writing,
not to worry about food or having a roof over my head but to focus on my
studies. However, I did not find someone to sublet my apartment for that
summer. Before having been born again, I regretted many times I did not move
back to MD to start all over again with school, perhaps. I hope not having
disappointed her, since I did not finish my PhD. Till this past October,
Nancy asked me again: ÒAre you going back to schoolÓ. Sorry Nancy, I canÕt,
was my reply. ÒAll and all, I continue to be extremely grateful for all
of the support and good vibes you send my way. And remember: I don't need
sympathy; I need entertainmentÓ! Indeed!
Nancy loved the theater and the arts overall. I remember my first opera: a
small local production of Madam Butterfly. We went with Nora and Bob. Since
then, take me to the opera any day. I had studied theater and performed more
than twice; but opera completely impacted me. The last opera Dan and I went,
I could not help to think of Nancy. There
is one thing we did disagree on; and that is Obama. However, I was happy for
Nancy. She celebrated having been part of making history once again and
feeling like an integral part of what she called: Òcivilized societyÓ.
Stagnant is not an adjective for the life Nancy lived and she still had
unfortunately trapped inside a decaying body. I am so grateful to God for our
friendship. In
July before her elbow replacement surgery, she confided in me afraid of
dying. I prayed to God to give me the Wisdom to speak life again into her
frightened and doubting heart. I confided in her and told her how I had been
forgiven. Only God knows the outcome of my words. In
October we followed up our conversation and I asked her to choose to see me
again. I tried to assure her of True Peace and True Freedom, both attainable
and like no politician could offer; all she needed was faith. Again we found
ourselves quoting the Bible at the same time: ÒNow faith is the substance of things
hoped for, the evidence of things not seenÓ.
Hebrews 11:1. Today,
that is all I have left. Faith that one day, we will see each other again. Luz Mireya Roman Rivera
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Nancy and Luz embrace for the camera, taken at Huretta's memorial service in 2005.
"Every time Nancy introduced me; she always said my full name: ÒThis is my lovely friend, Luz Mireya Roman RiveraÓ. She did great when rolling her rÕs. She would continue by stating how we met in 1999 when I first worked as an intern at the office and how a year later I called her to ask if I could live with her for the summer in 2000."
Luz embraces Huretta at a party at Anne's home.
Luz prepared a Puerto Rican Feast for Nancy and friends in 2001. (Look at that spread of food! Wow!)
Nancy in France 2006.
"I donÕt regret a penny IÕve ever
spent on travel!"
Luz and Nancy out to dinner in 2001.
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