Following in Her Footsteps
------------------- --Bob Gallagher

......Recently, a very wise person suggested to me something about what to do when a loved one dies. The first thing he said to do is to recall all the things that you admired about the person: incidents that showed the qualities that you’ll remember, stories about her activities, as many examples as you can remember of how the person affected your life. He said you should enjoy those memories and strive to retain them as long as possible.

.....The second thing to do when a loved one dies is to try to apply those same qualities and insights to one’s own life. This is not to say that one simply copies or re-lives the loved one’s behaviors, but rather that one incorporates her good qualities into one’s own life style in a realistic, practical way. In doing so, one gives the deceased loved one a kind of immortality that is lived, rather than merely memorialized. This is what I would like to outline today – the footsteps of Huretta Davis in which I will endeavor to walk.

.....The first quality of Huretta that I must mention is cleanliness – mostly because I need more of it, in both my home and in my car. Her standards of cleanliness were so much higher than mine that these particular footsteps will probably be the hardest ones to take. Her own home was in a continuous state of . . . what can I say? . . . spotlessness. Occasionally – usually on Saturdays - I would feel industrious and set about scrubbing my kitchen and bathrooms, emptying the trash containers and laundering the towels. When I finished, especially if I need a boost, I would call Huretta to announce my great accomplishment. She’d say something like, “Bob, did you really do all that cleaning?” “Yes, ma’am, I did.” “Bob, don’t you feel GOOD now? To have everything nice and shiny, don’t you feel GOOD? Now, tell me: did you vacuum, too?” (D’oh!) I must admit it; it did feel good, and that’s a memory and a feeling I get every time I take hot, soapy water to floor. If I had recently washed my car and was over there picking her up for something, she’d always comment on how nice and clean my car looked. Once inside, she’d say, “Next time, Hon, the inside, too.” And then that wonderful laugh, followed by a “Laws a’ mercy!”

.....Another Huretta quality I’d like to adapt is her amazing openness to strangers. She could speak to anyone she encountered, whether in a doctor’s office, the lobby of her building, the hair salon, the laundry room, the restaurant staff, or the hallway neighbors. When she began to lose mobility and we’d have to go out in the wheelchair, people in the lobby would come over and ask her how she was. By the time we’d leave a restaurant, the receptionist and waiter would have become her friends. “’Bye, Hon; see you next time!” Indeed, at one of their favorite restaurants over at the Mall, if Nancy happened to be there alone, the staff would ask, “Where’s Mom?” After coming to Maryland, Huretta encountered people from many different countries and areas of this country, yet she was open and congenial with them all. I’m also from a small city in a river valley, so I know what an accomplishment this was. Each of you, I am sure, has an example of someone Huretta converted into a friend. I guess she did this simply by taking people as they are and looking for the good in them. What a delightful way to go through life, and what a great footstep to follow!

.....Huretta would try almost anything once. Up here in the North, she learned to eat – and like – fish, to take a bit of wine with dinner, to visit a Catholic church – twice - , to stay at a Rehoboth Beach condo for a weekend, to fly to California or the great Southwest, or to go for a ride around the hills of Pennsylvania. (“Bob, I didn’t realize that Pennsylvania was such a pretty state. I thought it was just a bunch of factories and run-down cities or something.”) She allowed unfamiliar doctors to examine and treat her for disorders she had never heard of. As the staff person would wheel her down the hall to the treatment room, I would often hear the two of them talking and laughing as they went, and later, more laughing as they returned. Just for fun, I used to say to her, in the presence of the therapist, “Now if they hurt you in there, just sing out and I’ll come and save you!” And she’d say, “Don’t worry. You’ll hear me, and you come and get me.” But each time, in she went, willing to try any new procedure that the medical experts thought would help. I’d often compliment her on this by saying something like, “You are one brave lady to come up here into Yankeeland and put up with the funny way we talk and the strange things we eat and drink.” She’d say, “Well, Bob, you’ve got to get along with everybody, no matter how strange they are. Even Yankees.” Then that marvelous laugh!

.....Huretta had a keen instinct for high quality in everything she owned. Whenever she’d send me out for dinner ingredients, my destination had to be Sutton Place Gourmet, and I was to get anything I needed for the meal. She wanted the best, regardless of the cost. “Bob, I don’t mind spending more for something – if it’s good! No use wasting money on hamburger when you can have Honey Baked Ham!” One time when a group of us were having a meal of baked salmon, baked sweet potatoes, green beans, her favorite: applesauce, and Chardonnay wine, I said to her, “Boy if the people in Tennessee could see you now, they’d think you’ve really lost your soul. Maybe I should call that preacher and tell him what’s happened to you.” “No, Bob, don’t do that. It’d just upset them. Now pass the salmon.”

.....An amazing quality of Huretta was her unwillingness to be unkind to someone, even if you might think they deserved it. She could disagree with someone fiercely, but she would never impugn their character. When she would offer criticism of someone – and most often it would be a Republican – she would conclude by saying, “Well, they really don’t know any better, I guess.” When the topic turned to the current occupant of the White House, she would say, “Bob, I don’t hate the man, but why in thee world would someone vote for a fool like that? Tell me why, Bob. I really want to know.” She could be so patient with less-than-perfect medical care, too. One gentleman at Suburban, a phlebotomist, kept missing her vein, but she never cried out during the ordeal. After he left, she said, “He needs a lot more practice. Let’s keep him out of here from now on, OK?” She had only compassion for the unfortunate among us. I would tell her stories about the people at the St. Matthew’s Cathedral homeless mission. She especially wanted to hear how Kay was, a woebegone lady from Hungary who somehow was surviving the mean streets of our nation’s capital. “How’s that lady?” she’d ask. When I’d tell her, she’d say, “Tsk, tsk; poor soul. I wonder where she sleeps at night. Bob, how can something like that happen in this rich country of ours?”

.....Another quality of Huretta that I hope to emulate is her fierce protectiveness of those important to her. Each of us here knows what I mean. She knew how to compliment us just when we needed it, or to support us when we were having some kind of downturn in our lives. There was always that protective arm reaching out to cheer us up, or to agree with us no matter what, or to offer a word of warning when we were entering dangerous territory. I’ve had the privilege of traveling out and about as part of my work, and before every trip, I’d receive a call from Huretta telling me to have a good time, but also requiring that I “Be careful,” and that I should call her when I get back home. If the trip were to an especially unusual place – like Romania –, her warning would be even more vociferous. “Bob, I don’t like you going to places like that. I wasn’t around here when you went to Africa, but I wouldn’t have let you go there. This time, you get back safely, and be sure to call me when you get in! I wish you wouldn’t go; can’t you tell them you’re not going?” “No, it will be a great trip and I’ll be very safe. Don’t worry.” “Well, you be careful.” She had to protect those she loved, which includes just about everyone in this room.

.....Finally, Huretta knew how to notice the beauty of the natural world. What a great way to go through life. She knew how to see the trees, and not just the forest. On virtually every auto trip we took, whether long or short, she was continuously noticing things along the way: an arrangement of flowers in someone’s garden, the blazing azaleas of May, so bountiful in our area, a stand of trees across a meadow, or an unusual pattern of clouds reaching across the sky. On our Pennsylvania trip, she was so impressed by the rolling hills and tidy farms of Lancaster County. She hadn’t imagined that the Chesapeake Bay could be quite so wide, or quite so beautiful. She loved the view from the apartment, whether in autumn when there was the brilliant foliage of Rock Creek Park, or the geese in the pond in the summer, or the beautiful early morning sunrise. To Huretta, the things of nature were wondrous and worth savoring. This particular footstep will be easy to follow; I’ll just have to wake up and smell the roses.

.....Thank you, Huretta, for all these gifts that you’ve bequeathed to us. We’ll do our best to walk in your footsteps in these and in many other ways. You’ve left us a treasure of memories and a wealth of ideas for how to enlarge our lives. May we walk proudly and happily in your footsteps.

Bob Gallagher.........