LUZ MIREYA ROMAN RIVERA Tuesday, November 30, 2010 Chicago, IL Dear All; Foremost, I did not expect to write this much. My initial intent was to speak of the pictures I am sharing about Nancy and I from 1999-2005. Darrell had asked to share with him how we, her friends, met Nancy. I am sorry it took me this long to write and perhaps wrote more than what Darrell had initially asked for. I think it is part of my healing process. Now that I did, I am excited for my children, which I hope to have someday. They will know of Nancy, and I am glad I have these memories in writing since my memory is not doing well these days. My guess, this is a living document, as I will continue to add more memories of our friendship. If you know of any corrections that I need to make about Nancy's life, please feel free to correct them. Sadly, I cannot remember many of Nancy’s southern aphorisms. She always explained their meaning to me. I should have kept a list. The most recent one: “You have fire in many ovens”. Or it sounds like it! I look forward to reading Nancy’s obituary to be added to this document. Who will be writing her eulogy? I need to ensure to get a copy and a copy of the memorial service program. If you know, please ask them to remember me. My hope is the service will be taped or video will be taken since I will not be able to attend. I still have the program from Huretta’s memorial service. I am clinging to as many memories and things that I can hold on to, for my children to know Nancy as part of our family. I am so happy that I can help. Many pictures had to be scanned and cropped. The resolution may not be the best. I am sure you will have many more to choose from. The pictures were taken between the Fall of 1999 to the Winter of 2005. The last picture of Nancy and I was taken at Huretta’s funeral service in January 22, 2005. Nancy and I, 1999-2010 Every year, Memorial Day weekend was my weekend to visit my dear Maryland friends. In other occasions for work and internships I would travel and stay with Nancy, but not the summer she recovered from her heart surgery, I believe. Nancy preferred for me to stay with Anne. In 2005 Dan and I visited Nancy when we were courting. In 2006 Nancy did not come for our wedding due to serious complications after her hysterectomy. On the day of our wedding, Nancy was still in the hospital. Bob and Gail only told me half of the story, and yet I was worried for her. In March, it is when I learned of what really happened: “I know they told you that I hadn't recovered from the hysterectomy, and that was true.  However, there was more to the story.  I had developed internal bleeding and was taken to the emergency room on 2/13. I had surgery and another procedure to stop the bleeding, and I was still in intensive care on the day of your wedding. Bob and Gail made the very good decision not to tell you how ill I was. I was in the hospital 12 days, and I'm still not back to work. I'm doing well, but recovery is proceeding very slowly. I've no idea when I'll return to work. These pictures and the ones Bob took are absolutely beautiful.  I'm sorry to have missed two very big events in your life -- your MA graduation and your wedding.  You mean the world to me, and I certainly would have been there if I possibly could have been”. (Email March 2006). After I wedded, it was financially difficult for us to travel to MD having family in PR, NY, & VA. Nancy and I always talked about her coming to Chicago to visit us but she never made it. Not until this year that is about to end, that I saw Nancy again, in July and in October, 2010. Every time Nancy introduced me; she always said my full name: “This is my lovely friend, Luz Mireya Roman Rivera”. She did great when rolling her r’s. She would continue by stating how we met in 1999 when I first worked as an intern at the office and how a year later I called her to ask if I could live with her for the summer in 2000. She had to think about it and call me back because: “never had a roommate 30 years younger than me” she always said. She did call me the next day saying “it will be an adventure, would love to have you here”. I offered to pay for the room but she refused. Nancy preferred for me to cook for her instead. Nancy really loved eating and it was a pleasure to cook for her. “John and I had fun laughing about the time you and he shared my kitchen.  Goodness, you’re both great cooks!” (Email August 2008). Her favorite story, I guess, about the adventures with living with a compulsive cleaning person like me, is when I accidently turned off the stove’s pilot lights cleaning it. The smell of gas urged her to call the front desk; we did not know what had happened. You probably know the full story on how her apartment was flooded with fireman. Her joke was we had to be extreme to have men come over.  Through these years we called each other but mainly sent emails. Everything about her life was an adventure. Living with me, her trip to India (2000), climbing Mont Saint Michel in 2006 after both knees replaced in 2005, Huretta moving to live with her, Anne’s parents staying with her in the Summer of 2008, visiting family in TN, traveling around the globe, and trying anything new, like that first time restaurant visit. Her adventure with Eunice and the late Mr. Jim when they lived with her was described as: “It was a productive 2 months – we got all our hearing aids tuned up, Jim’s pacemaker tuned up, their car tuned up, handicapped plates for their car, and Eunice’s cataract surgery in both eyes!  I did a fair bit of cleaning out stuff in the apartment, and we all felt good about what all we accomplished.  They’re taking me to the Cosmos Club for lunch tomorrow”. (Email August 2008). “Aging is not for sissies! Jim and Eunice are the people who led our 2000 trip to India, so we had various Indians and clergy people visit at one point or another.  They’re very dear people, and it actually turned out to be a lot of fun”. (E-Letter January 2009). In my opinion, Nancy did not take anything for granted. Nancy’s relationships were also extremely important to her. As for me, she always listened to my joys and struggles; and lovingly gave advice. Teary I said this, feeling she may have loved me as her daughter! I remember wanting to go from MD to NJ overnight on the train for an Andrea Bocelli concert. Not that I asked her for permission, right; but she said: “in loco parentis, no”.  My parents fell in love with Nancy instantly after this. Unfortunately, my parents and Nancy never met in person. My mom would send her cards and they called each other on occasions.   For Nancy, Boston was: “ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!!!” “I love the city, and I still have a lot of friends there.  I stayed with John, and we always have a grand time.  We’re both good at laughing and crying at the same time…..  We walked through a bunch of retirement communities.  I fell in love with a place called Lasell Village on the campus of Lasell College.  John fell in love with another place which is actually more affordable… I’m not sure that I can afford a place on my own.  I surely would like to be back in New England!  I’d like to see patients again – maybe do consultations in nursing homes.  I like old people, and if I worked as a consultant, I would not have to rent an office and set up practice”. (Email August 2008) "In July, I visited relatives in Tennessee for a week, then went to Boston for three weeks and fell in love with New England all over again.  At Lasell Village, residents are required to get 450 hours of professional, volunteer, educational, and/or physical activity every year.  You can take courses free at the college, which is perfect for those of us who still think we’re students. It’s very expensive for a single person, but for a couple who have had two pretty good incomes, it is affordable.  So…I’m looking for a roommate"!  (E-Letter January 2009) My understanding is, because the market crashed, Nancy thought she could not sell the condo to move into a retirement home in Boston; nor she had someone to share the cost with.  She would have loved to move back. We talked a lot about her life in Boston, how she liked to welcome friends, and if I remember correctly, how she liked cooking lobsters. She told me stories too about Bread Loaf. Nancy wanted for us to take a trip to New England to show me how much she loved it and why. Having shared with me her love for Vermont and all the food in it, while in Asbury during my last visit, I mentioned to her that I was visiting Dan’s sister in VT that same October. With her eyes closed, Nancy asked me all sort of questions about where in VT I was going. Without hesitation, she told me how to get to Bread Loaf, where to go to eat and what not to miss. I wrote every single direction and name of places. Once in VT, my sister in law was kind to drive through the back roads following Nancy’s directions that I had written down in my agenda. We made it to Middlebury on a rainy cold afternoon. I can’t express my emotions, a mix feeling between sadness and happiness. We stopped at the Waybury Inn. We followed the river and it started to snow. My heart was pounding so fast, I felt a chest pain. We finally arrived at Bread Loaf. The snow stopped at the same time I felt like time had paused. I was finally there, but my beloved friend was at John Hopkins fighting for her life. Anne had called me the night before with the news about Nancy’s potential last day. My sister in law did not know why I was crying. Dan told her why. Nancy did fight through and I believe the prayers of all the faithful were heard. I think she knew this; prayer is a powerful gift from God. I think Nancy and I had a lot in common regardless of the 33 year age difference. When we each left our homes, I think we both felt this urgency of traveling, meeting people from different backgrounds and ethnicities, cheering for the underdog, eating all kinds of ethnic food, helping people, and storytelling. Like her, I love reading and writing wishing I would do it more often. I am thankful she helped me with my writing; although I still have a lot to improve.  Thanks to her, I read the Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. She gave me her book when I moved to Chicago. Now I wish I had not sold it. There were times I translated to English my favorite poems; but translation did not give them justice. These days I do not read much secular literature, but like Nancy, I do read the Bible. She would quote the Bible to me and when I quoted the Bible to her, she would tell me: “That is something Huretta would have said”. We would again say, but in one accord: “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24. We also loved traveling. Although my passport has a lot of catching up to do, when compared with Nancy’s, I totally agreed with her: “I don’t regret a penny I’ve ever spent on travel! (E-Letter January 2009). I am not sure if Nancy made the trip to Costa Rica in February 2009 with John, but surely would like to know about it. She shared with me about her trips to Guatemela and regretted I didn’t make to it India with her. She was concerned that I would freeze in Chicago. Therefore, Nancy equipped me with her favorite wool blanket from Guatemala and her Eddie Bauer blue down puffy coat she wore attending Harvard. I wonder if someone remembers this coat. For me it was small, but no doubt it kept me cozy and hot for many years. We also strongly believe in education. She cheered for me all through my graduate school years. I remember struggling with studies, unemployed, and lonely in Chicago. She knew exactly how I felt: “I was a frightened kid who just wanted to make good grades and not have to go back to Chattanooga”. (E-Letter January 2009). Nancy said this about her experiences witnessing discrimination during the Civil Rights movement while attending the University of Tennessee. Likewise, I wanted not to return to Puerto Rico. Did I experience discrimination in my school, yes I did; but my fear was not to be beaten to death for defending myself or others; I feared not making it on my own. I think Nancy also feared the same. Many times, Nancy asked me to come back to MD; that she would help me as much as she was able – with my writing, not to worry about food or having a roof over my head but to focus on my studies. However, I did not find someone to sublet my apartment for that summer. Before having been born again, I regretted many times I did not move back to MD to start all over again with school, perhaps. I hope not having disappointed her, since I did not finish my PhD. Till this past October, Nancy asked me again: “Are you going back to school”. Sorry Nancy, I can’t, was my reply. “All and all, I continue to be extremely grateful for all of the support and good vibes you send my way. And remember: I don't need sympathy; I need entertainment”! (Email February 2010) Indeed! Nancy loved the theater and the arts overall. I remember my first opera: a small local production of Madam Butterfly. We went with Nora and Bob. Since then, take me to the opera any day. I had studied theater and performed more than twice; but opera completely impacted me. The last opera Dan and I went, I could not help to think of Nancy. There is one thing we did disagree on; and that is Obama. However, I was happy for Nancy. She celebrated having been part of making history once again and feeling like an integral part of what she called: “civilized society”. Stagnant is not an adjective for the life Nancy lived and she still had unfortunately trapped inside a decaying body. I am so grateful to God for our friendship. In July before her elbow replacement surgery, she confided in me afraid of dying. I prayed to God to give me the Wisdom to speak life again into her frightened and doubting heart. I confided in her and told her how I had been forgiven. Only God knows the outcome of my words. In October we followed up our conversation and I asked her to choose to see me again. I tried to assure her of True Peace and True Freedom, both attainable and like no politician could offer; all she needed was faith. Again we found ourselves quoting the Bible at the same time: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”. Hebrews 11:1. Today, that is all I have left. Faith that one day, we will see each other again. Luz Mireya Roman Rivera

Nancy and Luz embrace for the camera, taken at Huretta's memorial service in 2005. "Every time Nancy introduced me; she always said my full name: “This is my lovely friend, Luz Mireya Roman Rivera”. She did great when rolling her r’s. She would continue by stating how we met in 1999 when I first worked as an intern at the office and how a year later I called her to ask if I could live with her for the summer in 2000." Luz embraces Huretta at a party at Anne's home. Luz prepared a Puerto Rican Feast for Nancy and friends in 2001. (Look at that spread of food! Wow!) Nancy in France 2006. "I don’t regret a penny I’ve ever spent on travel!" (E-Letter January 2009). Luz and Nancy out to dinner in 2001. FOR MORE OF LUZ'S PICTURES CLICK HERE!